Ich war immer zu ihm... tot

As much as I love the aspect of other people actuallz cleaning the house...couldn't they at least wait until I get into my cage first before making a rucas? No because that would be too difficult, as well as actually doing anything they told me to do when the dishwasher broke. I'm not complaining about roomates. It's more along the lines of my family. I have seen MUCH worse, but when you tell your daughter the dishwasher is broken and that she has to continue using dishes over (and it seems she avoiding telling anzone else this) you should listen to yourself as well.

Right now I'm quite bitter and pissy. If things went my way, I would be in some other place locked away from humans. People in general are pissing me off, and I fear that I'm going to lose the most important person to me because I can barely look at then without wanting to cry. Depressed, derranged and utterly useless. Ultimately I am lost and have no clue on how to behave, so I'm pretending that I spent the last 11 months and 26 days in a coma.

The vultures that feed at the decaying souls at the gates of Hell are all I have now. He brought me here knowing he had nothing left for me. He knew this was to be my final resting place after he left me distruction. There is no turning back once you have entered the gates. Sweet abandonment, how I missed thee. You remain my friend when all humans leave me bare and alone. The only person who could save me from this place couldn't call me their own and here I lie for eternity after the vultures leave a hollow shadow of who I once was.

In wenn nur er wußte, was Unfall er mich erhielt.

"We Don't Have A Permit. Run."

I'm feeling rather dead at the moment. My world and heart are crumbling. I wasn't build to withstand something like this. I hate this feeling and I NEVER want to go through this experience again.
Amour
Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier
Sie atmet dich sie sucht nach dir
Nistet auf gebrochenen Herzen
Geht auf Jagd bei Kuss und Kerzen
Saugt sich fest an deinen Lippen
Gräbt sich Gänge durch die Rippen
Lässt sich fallen weich wie Schnee
Erst wird es heiß dann kalt am Ende tut es weh

Amour Amour
Alle wollen nur dich zähmen
Amour Amour am Ende

gefangen zwischen deinen Zähnen
Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier
Sie beißt und kratzt und tritt nach mir
Hält mich mit tausend Armen fest
Zerrt mich in ihr Liebesnest
Frißt mich auf mit Haut
und Haarund würgt mich wieder aus nach Tag und Jahr
Läßt sich fallen weich wie Schnee
Erst wird es heiß dann kalt am Ende tut es weh

Amour Amour
Alle wollen nur dich zähmen
Amour Amour am Ende

gefangen zwischen deinen Zähnen
Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier
In die Falle gehst du ihr
In die Augen starrt sie dir
Verzaubert wenn ihr Blick dich trifft

Bitte bitte gib mir Gift
-Rammstein

"She's so Refined, I think I'll Kill Myself."

Our school was practicing for terrorist attacks...du know the on foot entry type...today. It was rather saddening that even if students are forbidden to talk, they will choose to make a numerous noises. "Wundervoll everyone, du have succeeded in getting us attacked by the insane on foot mock-Nazi terrorists." Too bad that the other "terrorists" we are hiding from are teachers and students with gun and a shit load of hatred and anger...and they know where we are hiding.
Nehmen Sie meine Freiheit weg und geben Sie mein einen Besen. I get to be a janitor for a store...wow, my life is so productive...

Roses sind für die hübschen Mädchen...

Mein süsser Liebling, whisper meinen Namen.

Lenken Sie mich von dieser Qual,

mit Noten ab und süsse Lippen,

lassen die Dämonen weg kriechen.

Mein süsser Liebling, whisper mein Namens...

I'm only slightly obsessed with German...which reminds me, I can understand some words I don't even know (watch the begining of "Will to Power" in psychology).
In psychology, my class is being taught about Friedrich Nietzche, which makes me feel like little dork girl because I'm the only student who read a whole book of his (another girl tried reading Thus Spake Zarathustra, but got nowhere). He was one of the most brilliant writers of philosophy...but I would probably say that about 98% of the philosophers of long since passed.

I hatten einmal die Fähigkeit, ein Spion, aber, während sie ausfiel, ich zu sein sind wurde ignoriert gerade.

Töten-Zerstören-Greifen Sie an!

So many flowers. So many happy teenagers hyped up on sugar from their sweeties. So many happy people and it has to be on Monday...I sit alone wanting just a flower (which I might just steal from some popular goodie goodie) and thinking that Valentine's day really hurts a loner dork type that I am. Oh well. I'll get over it once I get to leave school.
So far, I'm calm...but that is probably just distance of mind or disassociation from the problem.
I lent my dearest baby out...How can I live with myself. If he dare hurts it, I will be torn. However, I am quite curious if he likes it (The Soft Machine)...
Auf Wiedersehen.

Ooh, die Kinder sind verdorben!!

Spiel Mit Mir!
Feeling creative...
Ahh!! Chaos on the bound! Everything is going to pile up. As long as the inportant work gets completed, all will be good.
ENGEL
Wer zu Lebzeit gut auf Erden
wird nach dem Tod ein Engel werden
den Blick gen Himmel fragst du dann
warum man sie nicht sehen kann
Erst wenn die Wolken schlafengehn
kann man uns am Himmel sehn
wir haben Angst und sind allein
Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein
Sie leben hinterm Sonnenschein
getrennt von uns unendlich weit
sie müssen sich an Sterne krallen (ganz fest)
damit sie nicht vom Himmel fallen
Erst wenn die Wolken schlafengehn
kann man uns am Himmel sehn
wir haben Angst und sind allein
Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein
Erst wenn die Wolken schlafengehn
kann man uns am Himmel sehn
wir haben Angst und sind allein
Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein
~Rammstein

Driving You Happy With Abuse...

I feel horrible for getting my boyfriend hooked on my medicine. Leaving him reliable on some stupid orange pill just so he can be happy (and not even high happy. Actual clean and clear happy). It put him in the most bazaar and different way then I have ever seen him. He was calm and didn't behave or even say anything that he normally does. This should be good for him because when he came over he was talking like he had nothing too look forward to in life.
So for the next 4 hours, we played dress up. For someone who was happy, he sure dressed like a goth...and he danced in my 4 inch heel boots.
There have been some benefits to being alive at the moment...
Amerika...I saw the Rammstein video and was rather humored as these 6 big German danced on the moon...while poking fun at America in German (at least that's what I got out of it).
Longing-Linger-Lust-DESTROY