Falling Into Insignificant Lies And Living Through Falsities...Everything Is Chaotic And Delectable Distorted Imagery... "They tend to be suspicious, bristly, paranoid-type people with huge egos they push around like some elephantiasis victim with his distended testicles in a wheelbarrow terrified no doubt that some skulking ingrate of a clone student will sneak into his very brain and steal his genius work." ~WSB

zondag, januari 30, 2005

Killer Buzz Shook...

On a misty midnight walk with my dear, drinking rootbeer and rootbeer liquid poison, and endulging in other unmentionables, paranoia struck me. I wanted out of the field. The noises surmounted each step, torturing me. Into the light and the liquid poison mixed unkindly with other substances and I was gone. Walking like a psychopath, howling at the pig on the roof, just wanting to crawl someplace safe and warm with him. He watches me as I sit on his couch, feeling a burning sensation. My body starts to shake furiously. After knowing no way to stop this, he just holds me. I start crying. He kisses me, and soothes me. Shortest attack, and my cure lies within him.
I willLay me down
In a bunker
I won't let this happen to my children
Meet the real world coming out of your shell
With white elephants
Sitting ducks
I will
rise up
Little babies eyes eyes eyes eyes
Little babies eyes eyes eyes eyes
Little babies eyes eyes eyes eyes
Little babies eyes eyes eyes

vrijdag, januari 28, 2005

Mental Stability...

Somehow I can always find a way to hate myself. Yesterday, I was just miserable. Earlier in the day was fine. I made some flour rich pancakes with my friend, which were filling but quite a horrible meal. While I was walking to work I could only hear Marilyn Manson and my own derogatory remarks about myself and life. I seem to have an extensive amount of negativity within me. I wish for some happiness. Not to be stupid happy, but more along the lines of contempt happy. If that is impossible to last at least a day, then I'll go for a lobotomy. Caving to stupid happy.
He noticed my mania and acted like there was something wrong with me. I think I need to smooth out my emotions, because the down fall hits me really hard and I can't take it too well.
Together under droplets of water, we are embracing. Your touch, your lips, the way your skin feels, makes me feel whole. I could never have fathomed how beautiful you are and how your love can pull me out of my gloom. So near a dear to me.
Don't you just love it when you can slowly kill yourself while their back is turned?

dinsdag, januari 25, 2005

The Begining of The End

I have started something that might take over my lack of existance, or turn into a nothing. Just a piece of wasted internet space. Floating about unwanted. Oh well.

Oh And...

I had a very bazaar dream this morning. I was in my room which was horribly messed up, and something was at my window, and something else was roaming in my house, but I was the only one who could see and hear these things. I don't remember what I did to make one lash out at me, but somehow I ended up with all these large lascerations all around my body. There was a really deep and long one on the lower right side of my neck. I went up stairs to get my sister to patch my neck up without my parents noticing. I headed back down to my room, grabed some belongings and went to my friend's house. He thought I did this to my self, but didn't get mad at me. I stayed with him until I woke up. My neck was feeling weird and when I went on the computer, there was knocking on the wall...same with in the kitchen. My cat heard them too so I'm not going mad. Dreams are becoming rather awkward for me...