Falling Into Insignificant Lies And Living Through Falsities...Everything Is Chaotic And Delectable Distorted Imagery... "They tend to be suspicious, bristly, paranoid-type people with huge egos they push around like some elephantiasis victim with his distended testicles in a wheelbarrow terrified no doubt that some skulking ingrate of a clone student will sneak into his very brain and steal his genius work." ~WSB

maandag, juli 23, 2007

Sweat Bathes...

Ok, so at least I have published SOMETHING this year. 5 months isn't that bad...but I completely forgot my password.
By now I have lost my loyal readers (hahaha, see I pulled a funny! No one reads this dribble. No one wants to hear my endless mental chatter unless they are obsessed with me. I pity such people...or try to hide from them).

So I'm a diagnosed personality disorder: Borderline Personality. Funny, huh? Oddly enough, I felt much better just knowing I could be defined. All this confusion was lifted and given a nifty name. Now therapy is only useful to tame the demons in my temper (and emotions).
I can't control myself right now because I have had another baby problem (which became a really fun game of "Who's your daddy?!" I already knew, but why not play a little game to take the edge off me. Apparently, daddy #2 was freaking out for months). My emotions are on high and my breasts hurt, but no more problem. The most amusing (and disturbing) part of my day was lactating. Of course when baby goes away at the very first day of the thirteenth week, you have to expect some wonky after effects. The most soothing part of this experience, is finally knowing others have been through this as well (some multiple times, like me). This time I have decided to get a contrceptive that has no hormonal side effects. IUD. Now I just hope it doesn't puncture my insides (because I get all the bad stuff...).

It took forever, but I have reached part one of my largest tattoo. It needs to be filled in once it heals (my nerves acted up pretty badly...only my left side too. That side is fucked. Excuses, excuses, until you see me have a full-blown panic attack). 2 more hours left I imagine.
I just hope I can have sex after I sit through the finishing steps of my tattoo. It calms me down (that's probably one of the reasons I'm so sexually obsessed).

This heat is untolerable.
In my own destruction, I found all the love for my ex which I was hiding. I was hoping to smile and nod as he drank his life away because of some temporary freedom I found. I can't leave him to his misery. As much as neither of us want to believe it, but he needs me as much as I need him. No one could love these monsters that we are.
I'm in my hole, my depression filled rut, starting the climb out again. I'm scarred in the name of a destructive love. I wish to leave, but I'm not leaving him behind.