Absolut Hoffnungslos...

There is so much anxiety building up within me right now. I really hope I can make it through this week of school.
At work, I had to go to a meeting. It was rather humorous at one point when anyone in the meeting could ask a question or make a suggestion, and I knew a specific comment that was directed towards me. It was one based on ego and personal problems. I am a very stressed person and I take my job seriously, but I do not have an ego. I just get really pissed off at seeing all the morons I work with standing around talking while I go all over the place to do the job I signed up for. I thought they had the same job as me, but I seem to be highly mistaken. Only one person has noticed the hard work I do and the dominate laziness of my co-workers.
So I'm quiting my job soon. Sweet freedom. Hopefully it will be a full time job where they don't screw me over on shifts. I can s deal with lack of respect because I never really get respect from anyone anyway.
Soon I can escape the life I live now and become another human. One who lives away from the family she hates, and the job that makes her feel absolutely worthless. I have been thinking about leaving everyone I know behind and start a new life completely alone. But I think my boy would get in the way of that.

Frei sein, entgehen, atmen, allein sein.

Sie verletzen immer mein Herz.

Starlight, Star Bright,
Brightest star in the sky tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
To have to wish I wish tonight.
I wish for a different life.

Love is such a horrible curse. It spies on the weak day and night. It creeps through cracks and into your bed. It fucks you, rapes you in your defenceless sleep state. You wake up in the morning feeling bare and alone and so very used. Thoughts of loves little night volations taught you every minute of your waking state and molests, torments, touches and gets off on you in your sleeping state. After being lost and continually torrmented for months on end, you know you only escape. Love never really cared from the begining, and no one else cares to help you. Best to just Drown. Drowning is painful, but living with love is just as bad, but more consistant. Best to just trick your cat into believing that after being caged in agony for so long, a refreashing walk would do you good. Goodbye...

That buzz is the best thing your veins have ever felt. Want some more?
Alleine. Die Weise war ich zum spnd mein Leben ment. Für immer und immer...

Geschlecht- und Schokoladenstäbe

Oh I adore the way companies and movie producers are using Lou Reed's 'Take a Walk on the Wild Side.' You have to be pretty sneaky to get a song about sex, prostitutes and transexuals to advertise a Mars bar or a movie with Ashton Kutcher fooling around with a black girl. Obviously people have no clue on what Mr. Reed is saying in his lyrics (they are based on some of Andy Warhol's factory companions).
Take A Walk On The Wild Side
Holli came from miami FLA
Hitchhiked away across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs then he was a she
She said hey babe,
Take a walk on the wild side
She said hey honey
Take a walk on the wild side
Candy came from out on the island
In the backroom she was everybody's darlin
But she never lost her head
Even when she was givin head
She says hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
Said hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
And the caller girls go
Do do do....
Little joe never once gave it away
Everybody had to pay and pay
A hussle here and hussle there
New york citys the place where they said
Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
I said hey jewel
Take a walk on the wild side
Sugar punk fairy came and hit the streets
Lookin for soul food and a place to eat
Went to the apollo
Should have seen them go go go
They said hey sugar
Take a walk on the wild side
I said hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
Alright
Jackie is just speeding away
Thought she was james dean for a day
Then i guess she had to crash
Valley young would have helped that bash
She said hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
I said hey honey
Take a walk on the wild side
And the caller girls say
Do do do...
-Lou Reed

Wenig Parasit Des Mutter.

I'm sick of this feeling,
So sick of you.
This pain you have caused me,
Keeps me from functioning.
Wanting to kill you,
Destroy the parasite.

You feed off my pain,
Live off my blood.
If poison doesn't kill you soon,
I surely will.
You make me sick of this feeling,
And so very sick of you.

My father is sick. He generally is pretty good at passing it on to everyone. Can't sick people spread their disease elsewhere?!
What a wonderful day when bad news is all around. Festering, growing and making things worse. A lot of people would love to have what I have, and right now it is just all around bad.

Der schreckliche Schmerz der Einsamkeit.

I have been sick all week (for a few bad reasons...none of which involving altering substances), I have been so frustrated that I resulted in anxious pacing in my room, and right now I'm feeling a bit empty and lost. Men are so confusing.

Cry for me, and I die inside over you.
My lungs have suffercated me.
You wrap yourself around me,
As we get caught in compassion.
I lead you into temptation,
You lead me to shiver.
Mein Kleiner Dämon...

...Die Augen Der Schmerz Stanley...

I'm hoping to get out of the house tomorrow...aside from going to work. It would be nice to do more then leave the house for a little while only to go home and crawl back into bed. This is if I can actually get out of bed at a decent time so I can actually go where I am intending and make it to work later tomorrow. Maybe I should just remain in bed...