In Steps My Hidden Angel...
Today was a big day for me. I spent my work day (which started at 7:15) filing and running around and wanting to cave into painful feelings. I chased down a woman willing to give me a drag (I didn't really need one, but I wanted something to make me dumb and tingly for a little while (I went looking for an actual cigarette and people saw me more as a homeless or angsty youth looking for free anythings, then as a business women just wanting to drown). Things have been pretty bad lately. I haven't been able to feel good about myself for quite some time (I have been doing good here and there, but otherwise I have been slowly breaking down any good I built up).
After work I headed to the cities occult and witch supply store. I met the most wonderful human there. She saw I had a problem and broke through to me. I burst into tears and she lifted me back up. She was the first supportive person I have actually come across. She told me what I need to do to start healing and gave me a healing rock to hold to my Solar Plexis and it will ail some of my problems (generally my ulcer and any eating issues and will help me cope with any hateful emotions towards myself). She was my shoulder to cry on and placed no judgements on me (she has had to deal with a handful of problems before). I only came to her store for something to bring luck to my life or some strength and I felt so much better when I left.
I feel everything was meant to happen at certain times. I have met so many strange insightful people thoughout my life, but with actual contact information between us, I'm hoping to know her for a long time because she is truely wonderful woman. Thanks to her, I have more strength to get better (which was needed). I feel better now then I did through any other point in the day and she broke a block in me that allowed me to cry and realize my situation. I am going to give her something to show my appreciation for what she has done for me (and what she has continued to want to help with).
I have known since the big disaster that I'm not ready for a relationship at the moment, I just don't want to lose him. I want to rebuild my life and my relationship with him and I know life will get better for me. Everything takes time.
After work I headed to the cities occult and witch supply store. I met the most wonderful human there. She saw I had a problem and broke through to me. I burst into tears and she lifted me back up. She was the first supportive person I have actually come across. She told me what I need to do to start healing and gave me a healing rock to hold to my Solar Plexis and it will ail some of my problems (generally my ulcer and any eating issues and will help me cope with any hateful emotions towards myself). She was my shoulder to cry on and placed no judgements on me (she has had to deal with a handful of problems before). I only came to her store for something to bring luck to my life or some strength and I felt so much better when I left.
I feel everything was meant to happen at certain times. I have met so many strange insightful people thoughout my life, but with actual contact information between us, I'm hoping to know her for a long time because she is truely wonderful woman. Thanks to her, I have more strength to get better (which was needed). I feel better now then I did through any other point in the day and she broke a block in me that allowed me to cry and realize my situation. I am going to give her something to show my appreciation for what she has done for me (and what she has continued to want to help with).
I have known since the big disaster that I'm not ready for a relationship at the moment, I just don't want to lose him. I want to rebuild my life and my relationship with him and I know life will get better for me. Everything takes time.
posted by Nico | 02:43
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