Just a Matter of Heart Burn.

So I am frustrated. I want to rip my hair out of my head because I am so sick of feeling horrible. Outside of my blood due any minute, he has made my pain harder to deal with. I know him so well because I knew his answer. I asked if he had an attraction towards this new woman in his life and the reply was obviously yes. They were friends at a time before and they fell apart from each other and now they are getting really close and I get to be left out. He also lied to me which I slightly assumed. She apparently had a boyfriend, but he no longer exists...as of a month ago. I'm sure she is probably attracted to him as well and thus I am crushed. I know he will hurt her as well. I'm not trying to doom them out of spite, but when I needed a shoulder to cry on, he couldn't be there for me. Whenever I would cry over my grandparents being in the hospital he would say I shouldn't cry over it, they are old and I will have to deal with them dying sooner or later (something generally along those terms). I can understand he was never close with his grandparents, but I am close with mine and I have a lot of emotions (being a female, but I have the tendancy to be depressed...more then I want to be). Apparently she is the complete opposite of me...so she is celebate, fat, stupid, overly happy, and tall (though he says she is shorter then me and healthy as opposed to being fat. He didn't say she wasn't stupid though, but I didn't mention that. I'll just make her stupid to boost my fading ego. Childish? Why yes, but only out of being bitter he's making his way for a rebound already). I asked him why he hasn't asked her yet, and he seems indecisive like he always is.
Tonight I was hoping to be happy and like I have someone by my side. He came by, I made him dinner and we talked. When we got into my bedroom, he seemed like he lacked interest in me. However, what was really on his mind was how he was going t seduce me. I told him it is meaningless to him and he doens't want a relationship with my anymore so why bother. He persisted so I cried. He thinks I'm "hot" but he can't find it in himself to show me the love and respect I want from him as his "friend". So we argued about our feelings, his attraction to her, and debated sex. I crave his body, and everything about him (I make him sound horrible on my blog, but he has been a great person for reasons I do not wish to discuss. We become equal bad guys and heros) so it was SO hard to say no even though I was in pain. We didn't actually get anywhere. A lot of touching and the like, but I got him too far and it didn't go anywhere. We hugged for the fifth time and he left.