Something To Look Forward To.

I have decided to give up on humans. I do so much for people just to have them walk all over me. I'm falling back into the old loner me and I'm actually happy for it. I keep talking to him of course, but he is being distant and apathetic. We are going out on Friday which should be nice because then it shows I still have one friend. I have tried to keep others in my life but my efforts go unnoticed or cared for. My existance is unappeciated and I always thought people who put use to their brains had the decency to talk to people they consider friends. I really believe it is my fault that no one has the time for me. Oh well. If I remain alone, the less money I'll spend and eventually I will have the opportunity to buy a house... maybe. However, I will not have any obligations to anyone as I do now. I don't have to loan any of my money to people with spending problems or buy things while in there company. I'm getting my tattoo soon, but I cannot think of anything else to spend money on. Rock climbing if my ex-male still wants to bother doing that with me. All he really seems to want from me is sex, but I could be saying this out of being somewhat bitter and feeling abandoned. Maybe it was all for the best because I have a lot of mental and physical issues to tend to and I'm not looking forward to children as he is.
To be a loner in a torn up society will make me more self-sufficent and I will do as I please locked up in my house to be. It think I would learn to enjoy life a lot more that way. I won't have to rely on man to hear my pleas for sanctuary and sanity. I can have black, red and striped walls and have antiques everywhere. I'll do as I bloody well please and when they have to cart my corpse out of my house the paramedics will be the first to see my mind expressed along the walls of my twisted house. My cat/s will be eating my corpse until my neighbours complain of the smell. And maybe before I die, I could have been happy...even if I become nutty.
My photo project needs to gets started pretty soon, and I need my subjects to actually have the time for me. Since I am doing a paranormal and occult theme, I need to be very precise and I need my subjects cooperation to expose my vision the way it should be seen. I am hoping to get my sister to be a ghost so I don't have to be in every picture. If no one helps me I will have to resort to being the only subject as well as the photographer. I have the cord that attaches to this really good camera I'm using and I only want to use it when I demonstrate old hag syndrome. So I'm the make-up artist, model, photographer and designer (also dealing with lights and atmosphere) because it's my project and my ideas. Too bad no one I know is reliable. In other words, this shall be Hell to try and accomplish.
My room is almost together. I have some posters up, more clothes are hanging up or in their drawers and I don't have too many boxes taking up all the room. My mother is talking about how much she thinks I will make the room look really "cool" because I'm so creative. The last person in this room had a few car posters up and everything they owned all over the floor. I want two shelves, maybe some paint (though I do not have the patience to actually paint the room, it would be nice to have the walls a darker color then not quite neon green) and something to do with all the crap I'm hoping on getting rid of. One of the shelves must be small and not placed to high on the wall so I can put my broken mirror on it. The other shelf will have brakable things and the like. So many plans for a room I do not want to live in forever (my family is driving me and my cat crazy). But I might as well stay there until I have enough money to live off of...unless I really want a house. Then I need to work at my dad's company for the next few years and save all the profit shares. Then fuck you all!