Undercover Pirates of the Mainland...

Without a penny to our names, we walked away with a spectacular haul (of booze and cigarettes. If they were just going to throw it all up, we would give it a better home). So smooth...

Yeah and looking back, we could have gone further than a few drunken pecks. That was one HELL of an adventure. Nudity, subtle intimacy, rooftops and more booze than we knew what to do with! It basically ended when we fell asleep under the shade of a tree, so wornout from lack of sleep and sweating in the summer heat.

Of course we did have a curious audience everywhere we went. Unknown drunk men at the beginning assuming I could call her my own (I probably could've...at least it probably looked like it...). Construction workers watching two figures piss in an eavestrough and climb down from a roof with a case of beer on hand. People in the streets joining in on our drunken ramblings (you can meet so many random people...mostly men who may expect more, temporary friends). Friends/aquaintances watching us throw on clothes after a refreshing dip...and I'm sure we had a few people notice our exhausted bodies sleeping calmly.

(Not really going to get into the store incident...it was more rediculous than anything else.)

I cannot mention how floored I am by her. Knowing me, this is my reaction to someone new and amazing in my life...but how can one not fall into that groove where someone just amazes you so much you can't help but fall in love with them (it's probably pure admiration that I have mistaken for something more. Again...she has someone to love. I'm just a comfortable partner in crime). Regardless, I can still enjoy being around her and take things as they come (rather than expecting more).

There was so much drama going on and everyone else around us seemed to have an awful weekend...I had no reason to complain, slept unbelievably well which was much needed (or probably deserved). The one thing I would have changed was the innocent drunk kisses on cheeks as we probably would have went further...I just don't know what distracted us. We had a mission at hand at that time and it was perfectly executed...We just could have wasted a little more time on that. Apparently it's going to happen sooner or later so maybe when the moment is perfect and there isn't a couple drunkly gawking at us...that's probably what changed the subject, come to think of it.



On another note...I think a male who desires me hoped we could have gone through with his plans of "no strings attatched" tonight. My head was in la-la-land and moving away from his suble closeness. In all honesty, I should be blunt and point out that I'm not in his boat (to the point where at this moment I swam to the island of Lesbo and disregarded his feeble attempts at pulling me onto his boat that would crash on the rocks and drag ME to Hell). What he want's me to feel for him is what I feel for her (and if he knew that he would be more miserable, but blind not to notice...). We went over sexual numbers and I did point out that since him and I last talked about it, females have been added to my number...but he will probably remain in denial that I would actually want more than a sexual fling with a woman (because I'm just bi...so I can only play around with girls in his small hope that he might have a chance).
Right now I am free and I am happy. He isn't happy let alone close to it. He needs to find a way to get out of a negitive goove and enjoy what's around him (and learn how to love himself so he can love someone else rather than expecting them to do all the work for him). Being around him is too emotionally draining and I know he would be WAY more miserable with me. Telling him that I would feel like a bird in a cage, maybe a canary in a cage being dragged into the depths of a coalmine, feeling the black dust in my lungs and dying to escape. He would end up taking too far down into the mine and would ignore my panic for air as it is his home and I would be more a companion for him, slowly dying and he would wonder why his once lively canary is a lifeless, soot covered clump at the bottom of the cage.
You can't tell someone so emotionally fragile that they would slowly kill you if you were to fulfill their desires. That is just a little too harsh, but it would be blatantly obvious to everyone else. "Oh have you noticed how dead she seems since those two hooked up. It's as though she is becoming him. Taking on his negitivity by just being around him." He would only be happy in the realization that he FINALLY has me, but he would suck the liveliness that I have had to acquire (which was a struggle in itself), out of me. In a way it would almost be worth it to sacrifice myself to make him realize that HE needs to make an honest effort in changeing himself before he can maintain a lasting, healthy relationship...but I already dealt with that long enough and don't want to lose what I have now (this is where I get to be greedy). Fuck him.
His misery is his problem. I will be his friend, I will aid him as much as I can, but he isn't going to wear me in. We were having a fine time together, but he wanted more and wondered why I didn't want him and fell into a negitive funk and I had to kiss the remains of a decent time goodbye. I knew from the get go he couldn't just drop these feelings and his own ego and just ENJOY HIMSELF! FUCK!!

Grr...now I'm feeling grumpy. I'm going to get in a few hours of sleep and hope that I GET up in the morning as I expect a call for an interview and want to be prepared. Then I will be excited if I get the job as I get to be with my heart stealer (dude...that would be an awesome corny line..."ok, you stole my heart and I want to know if I get to have it back..." Yeah...I had something different in my head but forgot it just as fast...).
And now the waiting game begins (and I might be too excited to sleep...).