None of my pants are happy pants. I'm really hating my selection of clothes...If it wasn't so hot out I would just wear everything I own so I can make up my fucking mind! Not even my underwear is making me happy (and I love my underwear).
Ooh and I have all these odd little red spots on my legs (mostly at the ankles)...strange...It's not itchy or bumpy or what I know as strawberry freckles...
On another note, I'm going nuts! Clothing pisses me off (which we already covered), I'm lonely (the mistake of hooking my best friend up with someone just as serious about relationships as she is and dumping someone who was obsessed with me), I'm bored out of my fucking skull (artsy little projects can only keep me sane for so long)...I find myself standing around not knowing what the fuck I'm doing.
So I don't know if I've mentioned my current situation...I'm alone and broke and very very sober. A broken cigar, Rhum and Whiskey (two of which are probably older than me, aside from the bottle I bought with the last scraps of my money. 3 very sad looking bottles) and dry old weed which I found lying around (goes to show how much I smoke it! I think it was donated to me early in July) are all I have to keep me sane and from being a fullout mooch. Ooh, and luckily I have vodka and Absinthe from my money days.
My room is scary...I'm getting scary...pacing around the house probably looks pretty bad. Last night I went on two walks because I couldn't sit at home anymore. I'm probably going to be doing that again shortly (however it will be one long walk). Shower, make-over and finding happy clothes first (because they will waste enough time).
Hahahaha, EVERYTHING costs money...Uhg, I'm going to choke myself. There's a shopping cart outside proclaiming my destiny. Grab the kitty and whatever crap I can possibly sell and sleep on and take off.
I need stability and actual friends (or I'll just find me one of those all consuming relationships and lose all the people I sorta consider friends). I'm sick of this busy then competely alone (and bored out of my fucking skull) pattern that I'm always stuck in. That needs to change as soon as possible before I do something crazy.
Speaking of crazy, I threatened to give my dad the middle finger today...Yes, that shows lack of respect for an elder, but you have NO idea how much this man needs to be beaten with a big metal rod! Me flipping him the birdie is a deathwish in itself though it would be well worth dying over. Trying to be mouthy is as risky as I'm going to get (as telling him he's a bastard while standing up for myself left me shaking to my core as I expected to wake up 2 hours later at the bottom of the stairs).
Someday I'm going to have a place to call home a job and a cat for my cat. That's the least I can hope for so I can't run myself dry expecting everything to be perfect.
Life could honestly be a bit better than it is right now.
I desire a smoke and a lay with a side of booze...
Ooh and I have all these odd little red spots on my legs (mostly at the ankles)...strange...It's not itchy or bumpy or what I know as strawberry freckles...
On another note, I'm going nuts! Clothing pisses me off (which we already covered), I'm lonely (the mistake of hooking my best friend up with someone just as serious about relationships as she is and dumping someone who was obsessed with me), I'm bored out of my fucking skull (artsy little projects can only keep me sane for so long)...I find myself standing around not knowing what the fuck I'm doing.
So I don't know if I've mentioned my current situation...I'm alone and broke and very very sober. A broken cigar, Rhum and Whiskey (two of which are probably older than me, aside from the bottle I bought with the last scraps of my money. 3 very sad looking bottles) and dry old weed which I found lying around (goes to show how much I smoke it! I think it was donated to me early in July) are all I have to keep me sane and from being a fullout mooch. Ooh, and luckily I have vodka and Absinthe from my money days.
My room is scary...I'm getting scary...pacing around the house probably looks pretty bad. Last night I went on two walks because I couldn't sit at home anymore. I'm probably going to be doing that again shortly (however it will be one long walk). Shower, make-over and finding happy clothes first (because they will waste enough time).
Hahahaha, EVERYTHING costs money...Uhg, I'm going to choke myself. There's a shopping cart outside proclaiming my destiny. Grab the kitty and whatever crap I can possibly sell and sleep on and take off.
I need stability and actual friends (or I'll just find me one of those all consuming relationships and lose all the people I sorta consider friends). I'm sick of this busy then competely alone (and bored out of my fucking skull) pattern that I'm always stuck in. That needs to change as soon as possible before I do something crazy.
Speaking of crazy, I threatened to give my dad the middle finger today...Yes, that shows lack of respect for an elder, but you have NO idea how much this man needs to be beaten with a big metal rod! Me flipping him the birdie is a deathwish in itself though it would be well worth dying over. Trying to be mouthy is as risky as I'm going to get (as telling him he's a bastard while standing up for myself left me shaking to my core as I expected to wake up 2 hours later at the bottom of the stairs).
Someday I'm going to have a place to call home a job and a cat for my cat. That's the least I can hope for so I can't run myself dry expecting everything to be perfect.
Life could honestly be a bit better than it is right now.
I desire a smoke and a lay with a side of booze...
posted by Nico | 18:37
0 Comments:
Een reactie posten
<< Home