Can't wash this dirty feeling away...

I have the luck of the draw when it comes to the worst men to know. Interesting story too...so I recieved a call expecting it would be the angel in my dreams to realize I roped myself into a nightmare. Get some booze into this so-called "friend" and the word "no" doesn't exist in his mind. He has adored me since he has met me and continuously attempts to sway me his way. Sitting in a pub across from each other, things are fine. After a trip to the lu, he sits next to me, arm around me and WAY too close for comfort. Apparently threatening to punch him in the face is no real threat (because leaving him is much worse because then he can no longer "work his magic" on me). After several attempts to get cuddlie and work in some kisses (which I backed away from before his lips could touch me), I lead him to the train, barely talking to him, and not bothering to look at him.
I should have known by now that being defensive is a waste of time. Great way to feel suffercated when I'm already down and out.

For the first time this year, I cut myself. If my friends are only going to ignore me or ignore my boundaries, then I'm going to hurt myself. Same damn thing, different people. I feel so alone and I would kill to feel good again. Nothing feels as good as sincere happiness.
(the funny part is, I lied about being taken. I told him I had a boyfriend and it was impossible for him to respect my requests. That really hurts...)

Two weeks and all will be better...just two more weeks...(I would have been better off alone in my room this evening.)