Big Meat Eater?

So I'm guessing you will NEVER guess the title of my crazy, twighlight movie (aliens, meat, Devo: read last entry)! It's a Canadian movie from the 80's called (drum-roll please...) "Big Meat Eater." Apparently I was capable of falling along anyway...

I hate looking for jobs. I nearly had a heartattack dropping of a resume at the most convienent, well-paying job for me (as it is a 7 minute walk from home and $14 with a raise every 3 months...and I believe a buddy of mine is working there...I think she is still my buddy...). I think I enjoy sending resumes over the internet instead. I just want them to call me tomorrow, interview me and have me working for them by Thursday (my friend had that luck, and I also gave her the push to leave her last job).
Oh and I REALLY hate the girl who was going to have this awesome job for me that I would have started last tuesday (as she informed me late last tuesday night that a "friend robbed her blind" as she has been traveling since the weekend. Makes you think...LYING BACKSTABBING BITCH!). She get's kicked in the ass every so often and I laugh like a little sadist because I feel like karma is actually stepping in for once (as I have a problems believing it, but hearing her misery, makes me more of a believer. Sounds bad on my part, however, if you knew her, you would understand).

So...I hate still being alone...Though I still need to find myself and that right person. My best friend laughed when I said that I need someone to tame me and told me flat out that she doesn't think that person exists. That kinda hurt. I'm sure they exist, I just have to look in the right places. I think I attract crazy, and I can't handle anymore crazy than my own self. Ooh, it would be like a sitcom to find someone down-to-earth. The adventures of Vanilla and Rainbow! "Vanilla, let's go get wasted and streak around the block. It will be a race!" "No rainbow. You can, however, I do not feel like that is my sort of activity. Let me check the piggy bank to see if there's enough to bail you out of the police get involved." "Aw, you're always looking out for me. Kisses!" "If it wasn't for the sex, I would feel like I was more of a parental figure than anything else."

I went into MacNally Robinson today and nearly broke down crying. It doesn't even look like a bookstore as most of it was closed down and EVERYTHING is 40% off. No more Prairie Ink Cafe, or awesome discounted books, or an amazing selection of books (better selection than Chapters ever will have). I don't really think there was a time that I left that store without buying something. First the Castle and Now MacNally Robinson...What a shitty year for enjoying a trip downtown. I found the SCUM Manifesto there! Fucking city...it costs way to much to live in this stupid place. :(
So I was planning to buy as much as I could regardless of my current lack of work. I ended up with only a copy of Short Bus (for my sister), a travel book for Amsterdam, a Harry Houdini card and 2 buttons (which was just over $25 which makes me want to run back and grab whatever caught my eye).

I found a trick to ending my own feelings of worthlessness and bordom...don't wait around for others to call, do it first. I have filled my nights from Wednesday to Friday this week and I just have to get through this miserable night alone. Maybe one of the people down the hill will give me a ring for once and I can stop feeling sorry for myself. Or maybe I can actually be creative for once (I think that would be WAY more satisfying as I feel like I've been wasting my mind. No inspiration). Ooh, that would be exciting! Now I need to find a spark to light my creative fire...