Damnation.

After this weekend, I can breathe. Really, I cannot say if it will be from joy because of the ending holiday, or if it will be from agony. I am sick as per-usual, I am lost on what I am doing at work and I am fighting with someone I love. Someone who I won't get to see, tough or talk to until Tuesday and who I wanted to spoil last night. I would give him my world, or anything I could bring to him to show what he means to me, but I hurt. This pain is because this downward spiral in my life will never stop. I have to lose him, I have to be miserable, I have to be alone. I am never allowed to keep those who make life so wonderful. It has always been that way for me. I just can bare to lose him. I know the end will come and there will be nothing we can do. I have made his life difficult and the thread is wearing thin. To lose eyes so sweet, lips that kiss me, a being who has actually loved me. It has been so hard to believe that someone could love me, and there is where I have made things worse. I do not want gifts, or to see my decrepide grandparents. I do not want to be surrounded by my family of lies and torment. I want to crawl into bed with the man I love and never leave his side.