Anything With a Penis is Confusing.
Bad title for something I'm writing up at work. Oh well.
The man who broke my heart is strange. I never know what he wants. I'm going to pretend we are still just really close friends so I don't allow my heart to get crushed again. We are both moving home this weekend so he can save up for collage and I can save up for something I want (a house? an appartment? Europe?). Yeah, he informed me of this decision yesterday so I have been packing like crazy. We were both in decent moods, I was having a small freak out because I have a lot of things to put into a tiny little room and I have so little time to do so. It feels like we are having a very fucked up divorce. We divided our belongings, our children (our cats...but being the female, I might end up with both eventually) and we are going our separate ways. Then last night we sined against our parting demands. Again, he doesn't want to be sexual with me anymore and I resisted for quite sometime (I generally just cave because I love sex, but I was a total nun! For the most part) I lasted about 10-15 minutes and caved. That is actually pretty good for me. Generally he asks, suggests and so forth and I'll say 'no'...then a minute later, 'why not?' It is freakishly hard to say no to someone who is my biggest turn on. I was really trying to be a good little girl who wasn't going to allow either of us cave into something he made into a no-no. Sadly, I don't feel any guilt or sadness because I needed it and I care about him a lot ("I won't spead my legs for no roses" but if I love you I just might be that easy).
Sex makes things complicated, but we never let it destroy our friendship. Our sex lives yes, but we have remained really close for a long time and sex hasn't taken that away. I just hope we can learn to deal with our problems to make things less complicated if we jump into a sexual relationship again in the future. I'm not expecting things to go that way, but I would really love it if it did. Apparently if we got into a relationship with other people, we would still have sleep overs and be pretty intimate together. And we would lose the other people because of it. I find that kind of humorous. He was the one who said it. I'll keep in mind "whatever happens, happens."
I'm hoping to baricate myself in my room to be when I move into my parents place. I don't want to deal with my family and I need a sanctuary. I'll have a laptop so I really don't need to leave (washroom, food and to get out of the house...what else would I need to do?).
Remember to breathe and to not blow things out of proportion and you won't explode.
The man who broke my heart is strange. I never know what he wants. I'm going to pretend we are still just really close friends so I don't allow my heart to get crushed again. We are both moving home this weekend so he can save up for collage and I can save up for something I want (a house? an appartment? Europe?). Yeah, he informed me of this decision yesterday so I have been packing like crazy. We were both in decent moods, I was having a small freak out because I have a lot of things to put into a tiny little room and I have so little time to do so. It feels like we are having a very fucked up divorce. We divided our belongings, our children (our cats...but being the female, I might end up with both eventually) and we are going our separate ways. Then last night we sined against our parting demands. Again, he doesn't want to be sexual with me anymore and I resisted for quite sometime (I generally just cave because I love sex, but I was a total nun! For the most part) I lasted about 10-15 minutes and caved. That is actually pretty good for me. Generally he asks, suggests and so forth and I'll say 'no'...then a minute later, 'why not?' It is freakishly hard to say no to someone who is my biggest turn on. I was really trying to be a good little girl who wasn't going to allow either of us cave into something he made into a no-no. Sadly, I don't feel any guilt or sadness because I needed it and I care about him a lot ("I won't spead my legs for no roses" but if I love you I just might be that easy).
Sex makes things complicated, but we never let it destroy our friendship. Our sex lives yes, but we have remained really close for a long time and sex hasn't taken that away. I just hope we can learn to deal with our problems to make things less complicated if we jump into a sexual relationship again in the future. I'm not expecting things to go that way, but I would really love it if it did. Apparently if we got into a relationship with other people, we would still have sleep overs and be pretty intimate together. And we would lose the other people because of it. I find that kind of humorous. He was the one who said it. I'll keep in mind "whatever happens, happens."
I'm hoping to baricate myself in my room to be when I move into my parents place. I don't want to deal with my family and I need a sanctuary. I'll have a laptop so I really don't need to leave (washroom, food and to get out of the house...what else would I need to do?).
Remember to breathe and to not blow things out of proportion and you won't explode.
posted by Nico | 14:34
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