I Can Almost Hear You Scream.

Quitting day has risen yet again. I want to keep track of things this time. To be free of this addiction, one has to be strong and outlast withdrawal. Every addiction has adverse withdrawal if one needs to quit. It makes caving that much easier. Emotional instability, irritability…life. Living in a daydream and having to fall back into reality.
Up here, the snow flows upwards. It seems as though it isn't tainting the world below, but clearing itself up and out of sight. What goes up must come down and soon the cold glitter reaches the ground. It prohibits me from breathing as I walk the streets, like a hand gripped tightly around my neck. I'm lucky to grasp some air to carry on. Faint from the struggle, I embrace the warmth of the disaster where I reside.

I cannot seem to keep focused at work. I keep waiting to hear back from others through email and I write in my blog every so often. A break would be nice, but no one gets paid to enjoy life (unless they live the easy life…those bastards do not know what struggle feels like!). I need a new job…I might be out of a job because of the snow globe situation at work. Don’t understand? Take a snow globe, turn it upside down, shake it and watch the flecks of ‘snow’ fly about. My company has lost a lot of people and others are being moved around to make space for others. The paper is flying and I get to be in the middle. They have no place for me yet. Everyone seems to like me, the young blue haired business woman (another woman has pink hair and I came here with blue hair). Who knows…

Ehem…Christmas. Why should I care? Everyone else can care for me. The only thing I like about this season is TASTEFUL lights. Plain old lights in the treetops. That is all…the snow makes the world look a little more interesting which is also nice. I remember last year when I went sliding down a steep hill on my ass. Quite a delightful evening. I was with a female I adored and we saw a big old owl at the top of a tree. We went to see the lights earlier in the night. Some things are worth remembering. I would hate to forget any memories that were very enjoyable. Christmas has never been one for me…as well as my birthday, though this year it actually brought a smile to my face after the tears went away. Candles and kisses and all the mushy crap that woman love (wow actual romance in my life…how awkward).
A side note to Christmas this year, my lover (?) is going away. I get to be alone in a house I hate living in, spending the worst holiday feeling lonely. At least if he was there, we could be Christmas hating cynics together. Oh well.