Hopelessly Devoted to Losing You...

So everyone I know is living grand lives, while I am continually losing myself in some dementia. The woman I loved (and never told) is happy and exploring the world, the man I share my bed with was depressed the year he knew me and now is getting his life back on track (and seems to be more contempt). I am so lonely and continually finding myself depressed. I deeply wish my dear female was still in my life and she has been on my mind for months, but today I had the opportunity to say my appologies to her. I am so glad her life is grand at the moment, but I wish to be near her. The man I love makes me feel like a sex toy. I am unsure about him out and about without me becase of somethings he has done in the past. Alas, he is not mine, so he is free to do as he pleases which does bring emense pain to my heart. Life is not something I wish to face anymore, but there isn't too much I can do. I have been trying, but my efforts die out in times of weakness.
I need to know someone loves me, but I don't think I could survive the word love again. It really turns out just to be a word that someone uses for that persons feeling phase. It dies out soon after it comes out.
I dearly hope she accepts my appology...