Falling Into Insignificant Lies And Living Through Falsities...Everything Is Chaotic And Delectable Distorted Imagery... "They tend to be suspicious, bristly, paranoid-type people with huge egos they push around like some elephantiasis victim with his distended testicles in a wheelbarrow terrified no doubt that some skulking ingrate of a clone student will sneak into his very brain and steal his genius work." ~WSB

woensdag, augustus 11, 2010


When I'm out of town, I don't use the computer as much, which is nice, though I only get it when no one is home or everyone is sleeping at my home which doesn't make it more often.

So things have been normal (aka things that are rediculously difficult to explain to normal people), which includes a brother-sister relationship with my ex (though he would rather consider me his dog because I'm reliable and the like...or just because he's an ass). Of course one of my close buddies is concerned that my weak heart or drunken self will do inappropriate things with my ex. My ex is concerned that I'll get emotionally involved with some guy friend of his that I have no interest in. If I talk to boys, apparently they will hurt me and I'm too weak to make my own decisions. Oh, the gender with the danglie-bits is so entertaining!
If none of them can tame me, then why should they try protecting me from other boys? The other boys need to learn not to play with someone who wants to hurt them. It is rediculous though, that regardless of my deminished attraction towards one silly boy, I can't say no to him (love him to pieces, but don't want to claim him as mine). I treat him like I would anyone else I care about...fuck I don't make sense in my own damn head most of the time, please do ignore me.

I've been bad...As is broken blood vessels on the eyelids (like ink splotches) and running on no sleep. Many great explainations why, but mostly because I want to. I spend so much time alone, sitting on the floor in my room trying to be creative and hoping for money to come my way or staring at a screen watching things I have no interest in. It's nice to escape once and awhile, sometimes with my lovely partner in crime (though the one I can do real bad things with is going to be back in my life real soon! Yay!). Out of town, away from old friends, being naughty with new friends I adore. I did realize that I'm a goodie two shoes when I know my limit (and alcohol only has a limit when it's coming back up, thus the ink blots I've been sporting...still need to figure that one out).

Travel and no playtime makes me a strange, sad little girl. Sitting in a little pub done up in posters and record covers(&records), staring at a young Elvis (looking more like Brando than Elvis), Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Marilyn Monroe, Davie Bowie...Pretty...My buddy looking at me wondering what's ticking in my little head. I've been happier, which brings back my lovely sexdrive. The real sad part to this is that it has only been a week and a couple days without it. It has only felt like forever. Ugh, fucking pathetic. It doesn't help that I'm surrounded by quite a few beautiful women, having a cute androgynous girl a 7-11 to flirt with (as my friend wants to hook us up...yeah, guys are easy, girls are difficult and as much as I'd love to, I'm terrified) and nothing I can do about my frustration. Ok, not nothing, but it's awkward in other peoples homes.

Lovely day wandering around town. From 12 o'clock this afternoon until about 6, I have pretty much been on my feet walking. I have blisters and my legs are sore (my nerves were vibrating when I sat down). It was worth it as most of the time was spent with an old friend of mine. Try for one more visit with each other before I head home...even though he might be moving back! Yay! I'm mean, sad for his relationship, sad for not being able to see him when I head out of town to my frequent haunt, but yay!
Fuck...If work is through here...then I won't see my buddies very often anymore. :'( No more crazy advetures and trekking along on the stupid Greyhound for the sake of the amazing people on either end. Yeah, because I didn't have enough problems trying to sleep, that I had to go out of my way to think and see things that are around the bend. Grr...

Going to attempt sleep (maybe with the assistance of a desireable sleep aid) as tomorrow is the beginning of 6 days straight of work.