Random Breakdown

Lastnight, I flipped out on a man. I just lost it infront of people, with my friend on the phone listening to everything. He got to me in some strange way and my mind needing someone to let loose on snapped at him. Curse words flying everywhere and I had a fire in my eyes. My mind believed that he was harming another female and since I've been a victim in the past, it was like an abused animal finally attacking and destroying the agressor. When it was over, I craved to scream and punch something. I sat down for a cigarette outside, my hand trembling the whole time, heart racing. I haven't had a fight like that in a long time. Luckily it was short and no one was hurt physically.
Once I got to my temporary home, I started drinking to calm myself. I drank too fast and made myself sick. I was alone in a washroom, vomitting and balling my eyes out (not because I was sick, but because I couldn't believe what had happened and needed to breakdown).

Lately I've been confrontational in many ways (beginning of post being one way). The most important one though has been part 2 of talking to my ex. For some reason I thought of him and decided we needed to have some closure. He agreed so when I'm home we will find some time to sort everything out. I have no idea what to expect, I just hope that it goes well. There is so much I need to say, but have no idea how to start. This will be good for us though.

Weird vivid dreams. Less of the physical, visual and auditory hallucinations, but unbelieveably realistic. The one I remember from earlier had to do with living where I am now in a strange appartment building, chasing after an ex-friends evil cat, the swimming and shopping (which is more like I'm on a mission because I'm alone and in that situation, I'm very down to business). Then I came back to reality and carried on with my day.

Apparently I need to inform people I hate when I leave town. My aunt flipped when she found out that I was out of town and didn't inform my parents. My sister knows...that's important. The people I live with know...that's important. Anyone I consider family or loved ones knows pretty much. That's the important part. My sisters number is on the fridge incase of anything (house sitting or emergencies). I am prone to disapearing when I want to, but my aunts afraid for when I don't want to. Well that's something to worry about when it does happen, but when I'm out of debt, I'm out of the family. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.

...