Night Owl
Firstly...I'd like to say I'm sorry about my kitty (to spare a loved one from the embarassment of being associated with me). And for him. I'm an awful parent...Fucking weird job. At least I'm not hoping for things to come my way and will have NORMAL people paychecks for once! Yay! Something normal! Uhg...two days left and I think I get a day off.
Secondly, I still have reason to believe I'm still in a coma (NOTE: I have never actually been in a coma, unless this is one right now. I can believe that). I can't explain the last 24hours of almost any day lately. Random exerpts: Psychic cigarette vendors, blood where blood should NEVER come from (and this has nothing to do with me. Though there was that one time I found blood all over a spatula and realized I cut myself..And that's why they make cutting boards, kids), having to explain to a friend that no one is getting slaughtered where I work (all the screaming!)...creepy stalker guys...It's tame when you only look at interesting things in a very vague way.
I told a girl that she is going to be flat like me yesterday. Nice and loud, rubbing my chest to show my nothingness. Join the club...she wasn't happy about that. Whatever, sucks to be a flat big girl, but awesome to be flat and thin. It works better, or something like that. I do have a mosquito bite on my right one which had my buddy excited to say "Now you have three!!" His body can be found in the lake.
So I hate this one girl. As I described this awful swamp beast earlier, it's like rolling over the next day and knowing your friends are fucking pissed at you to allow you to go home with...THAT. I do like having people to hate though as it makes me feel so much better looking...bad personality, ugliness grows on the outside. Great personality, beautiful. She was decent when I was last out here, but each day I'm stuck looking at her, she rots. It's really gross but kinda neato. So if I don't have time to think about my personal feelings towards myself because I'm furious with someone else, I can give myself a thumbs up in the "getting better" department. Good for the ego, having enemies.
I need someone to have an attraction to. Maybe it should be someone I could NEVER have so that it will last a long time. I miss that rush and that sick feeling, the stupid that-wasn't-even-a-sentence! conversations. I think the girl at 7-11 was flirting with me. Stupid boy should have come in with me to let me know if our banter was flirting. She let me know she was gay, but it was obvious and I'm friends with her friend so if I'm blind, I best be deaf too ("I want to hook you guys up"). Grr...Feeling pretty pathetic: "Oh, I'm going to be single forever, but I'm going to shop the fuck out of people around me."
Well, it is getting pretty late in the morning. Time to retire. Fuck, the cat doesn't even rip my hand open while I'm trying to sleep. Makes me miss my handsome bastard who prays to Robert Smith before cuddling with me like I'm the cat (mommies still love claws under the chin and behind the ears, right?). :'(
Secondly, I still have reason to believe I'm still in a coma (NOTE: I have never actually been in a coma, unless this is one right now. I can believe that). I can't explain the last 24hours of almost any day lately. Random exerpts: Psychic cigarette vendors, blood where blood should NEVER come from (and this has nothing to do with me. Though there was that one time I found blood all over a spatula and realized I cut myself..And that's why they make cutting boards, kids), having to explain to a friend that no one is getting slaughtered where I work (all the screaming!)...creepy stalker guys...It's tame when you only look at interesting things in a very vague way.
I told a girl that she is going to be flat like me yesterday. Nice and loud, rubbing my chest to show my nothingness. Join the club...she wasn't happy about that. Whatever, sucks to be a flat big girl, but awesome to be flat and thin. It works better, or something like that. I do have a mosquito bite on my right one which had my buddy excited to say "Now you have three!!" His body can be found in the lake.
So I hate this one girl. As I described this awful swamp beast earlier, it's like rolling over the next day and knowing your friends are fucking pissed at you to allow you to go home with...THAT. I do like having people to hate though as it makes me feel so much better looking...bad personality, ugliness grows on the outside. Great personality, beautiful. She was decent when I was last out here, but each day I'm stuck looking at her, she rots. It's really gross but kinda neato. So if I don't have time to think about my personal feelings towards myself because I'm furious with someone else, I can give myself a thumbs up in the "getting better" department. Good for the ego, having enemies.
I need someone to have an attraction to. Maybe it should be someone I could NEVER have so that it will last a long time. I miss that rush and that sick feeling, the stupid that-wasn't-even-a-sentence! conversations. I think the girl at 7-11 was flirting with me. Stupid boy should have come in with me to let me know if our banter was flirting. She let me know she was gay, but it was obvious and I'm friends with her friend so if I'm blind, I best be deaf too ("I want to hook you guys up"). Grr...Feeling pretty pathetic: "Oh, I'm going to be single forever, but I'm going to shop the fuck out of people around me."
Well, it is getting pretty late in the morning. Time to retire. Fuck, the cat doesn't even rip my hand open while I'm trying to sleep. Makes me miss my handsome bastard who prays to Robert Smith before cuddling with me like I'm the cat (mommies still love claws under the chin and behind the ears, right?). :'(
posted by Nico | 09:03
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